I struggle with depression. I have for many years. I’m on two different medications in multiple strengths. My major issue is brain chemistry which I believe is genetic. My mother, I think, was also a sufferer.
I’m able to cover it up so people don’t realize. I know when I’m driving to town when to stop crying so my eyes will not be red when I arrive at my destination. I got my tasks done to keep my home going and children where they needed to be.
My husband and children didn’t know until I had spoken to my pastor and then a family counselor. My pastor determined it wasn’t a spiritual issue and sent me to the counselor, who is also a friend. Determining it wasn’t situational she sent me to a doctor. The assessment diagnosed moderate to severe depression and sever anxiety.
I’m going through a difficult time right now. It’s partly physical and partly situational. I called my doctor and had my medicine adjusted. I also spoke with my pastor in order to get help in seeing a solution.
Why do I write about this? I write it because I know how it feels to want to cut yourself so you can have a physical pain which outweighs the emotional pain. I know what it feels like to think no one will miss you or care if you were dead.
I write this to let you know you are not alone. If you don’t want to get up in the morning. If you feel like crying all the time. If you hurt but there is nothing in your life which warrants the feeling. If you don’t care about the things you were once passionate about, or enjoy doing. If you can’t think or reason well. If you can see no solution to the situation but deep down know there is one or you should be able to figure one out. You may well be depressed. It may be situational, it may be brain chemistry, or both.
Please, call your pastor, a crisis center and/or physician. There is hope through medication, even if you only need it temporarily, and counseling. The path through depression is a rocky one. There will be pebbles which trip you up and rockslides which tumble you down. It is one step at a time, watching your footing carefully so you don’t end up in a heap.
Scripture has a number of verses which apply to depression. Here are three that help me. With these I can rest in my Lord’s arms. I can simply be, since I can’t do. I know I’m secure in His love.
Psalms 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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Sophie Dawson is my pen name. The real me is the wife of a farmer in western Illinois.
I have two grown sons, one of which is married to a wonderful young woman. They gave us the most wonderful granddaughter ever in November of 2010. I'm not the least bit prejudice. :)